Chapter 18: Xiao Xu Feeling Belittled [Part 1]
Even while returning to her room, Gu Sui’er seemed to be in a stupor all along.
Her legs felt powerless. She felt as if her whole body was floating on a cloud.
“Young Mistress, if you feel exhausted, lie down and take some rest, alright?” Nanny An comforted her while feeling extremely joyful in her heart.
Although she didn’t see it clearly, she felt that she had seen the third Young Master and her Young Mistress embracing each other when they went out for a walk in the yard. Moreover, she was dressed in his robe while her own outfit had been torn apart and thrown aside in the study. She needed to know what happened!
Also, she didn’t know if this child still remembered her advice.
“En, I’ll take some rest…” Gu Sui’er muttered dazedly as she lay down on the bed with Nanny An’s help, unaware of the thoughts in the latter’s heart.
Even after lying down, she could not feel at ease since her little tadpole had been jumping around and kicking her belly. So she held her abdomen and dumbly stared at the bright canopy over her head.
She tried hard to recall the details of that time. She wanted to note down that scene, paint it in her mind, and remember it for a lifetime but everything seemed to be covered by a layer of mist. In fact, she could only remember his willow-leaf like eyebrows, his black eyes resembling a deep lake, and the unbearably hot and anxious sensation that emerged wherever his lips touched her.
She couldn’t help but raise her hand to touch her lips where his lips touched lightly. It was still as smooth and soft as before, but she felt that a mark had already been branded on her.
Something moist slid down from her eyes. When she felt the dampness at the base of her ears, she realized that she had unexpectedly shed tears.
It wasn’t sadness or grievance, but an uncontrollable emotion that had flooded her heart.
Suddenly, an incident from her childhood came to her mind. It happened when the reins of the donkey in the house next door broke. It brayed happily and bolted towards the east mountain. A group of villagers yelled and chased after it, but the donkey did not stop.
To this day, she could still remember the loud sound made by its hoofs and its short mane that danced with the wind.
She had always thought that donkeys were docile animals who were domesticated but she didn’t expect it to actually be so wild and reckless once its reins broke.
In this moment, she felt donkeys frantically running on the pit of her stomach.
That kind of an agitated mood resembled that of the surging river water in spring, almost drowning her.
She parted her mouth slightly, let out a huge breathe and opened her moist eyes.
In the darkness, she seemed to see his black eyes which were as deep as the Black Dragon Lake.
She felt so embarrassed that she raised her trembling hand and covered her face abruptly.
After Gu Sui’er came back from Xiao Heng’s study and fell asleep at noon, she did not awaken till evening. When she finally aroused from her deep slumber, she felt that she should go and pay her respects to the Old Madam.
The Old Madam had told her to take a good rest and that she did not need to come over for greeting her. Furthermore, Gu Sui’er’s belly had grown much bigger and making a round trip in this cold weather could make her catch a cold easily.
However, Gu Sui’er was aware that she came from the countryside and didn’t understand the rules. She was inferior to the people who lived here. If she were not diligent, how would she survive? She could not rely on the little tadpole in her belly for a lifetime.
Therefore she insisted on greeting the Old Madam just like before. It was much cooler in the evening than the morning, so she put on more clothes and left for the Old Madam’s yard with Nanny An’s support.
After Xiao Heng had ordered people to make the clothes she would wear from autumn to winter, the residence also began making her clothes.
She took a liking to the clothes that the eldest and the second Young Madam sent her, but Xiao Heng disliked her wearing other people’s old clothes. After thinking about it, she still decided to wear the ones given by them when she went to visit the Old Madam. She quickly switched out of the new clothes that Xiao Heng ordered for her and put on the old clothes.
Nanny An sighed: “Young Mistress, this will exhaust you. In fact, it’s not a big deal. The third Young Master did it for you, he didn’t commit any crime.”
However, Gu Sui’er could be awfully obstinate sometimes: “I should show my gratitude since both the Young Madams sent clothes for me. If I don’t wear them, they would surely be upset.”
Nanny An: “Maybe they don’t care about such things at all.”
Gu Sui’er: “What if they care?”
Nanny An sighed again: “Young Mistress, it is precisely because you are too cautious and think about other people’s opinions before yourself that you’re the one who is always wronged in the end.”
Gu Sui’er: “I don’t feel wronged ah. I’m happy to make everyone in this residence happy.”
This was the truth, both the Young Madams were very kind to her. They gave her their top-quality clothes and treated her very well. If they were to know that the clothes they gave her were thrown away by Xiao Heng, they would not get angry. Instead, they would feel sad and be disappointed that their good intentions did not reach the other person.
Nanny An was helpless: “Forget it, you can do as you please.”
After all, she did not have a solid foundation in the family nor could she count on her natal family. Gu Sui’er was nothing more than a little concubine, so if she was well-behaved, knew her bounds and was diligent, others would also come to like her. At least, she would not suffer a big time.
She put on her clothes and took out two handkerchiefs, one embroidered with bamboo and another embroidered with peony. These were for Xiao Jin and Lu QingYi respectively.
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